Awakening

With everything that has been going on in my life I just realized how much better it is to be working out again. I really have missed being able to be active. I use to do a lot of out door activities and played sports. I would really Love to get in to something like roller berby. I want to feel strong and powerful. I am working out and losing the weight for me. I want to be healthy. I want to be something that my father could be proud of.

I am looking in to schools also so that I can get my teaching certification so that I can teach art. I have come to realize that I am good at helping people learn and know new things. At work it seems like everyone ask me how to do things. I don't know if its because I know the information or that I am really good at what I do. I thought if I started teaching it would at least get me started in the right direction to owning my own business where I would be teaching art. I just want to share the wonder of art with other people. Maybe help other people see the importance of art.

Art is in every culture and shows how people have developed over the years starting with cave men painting what they where hunting not only to teach but to decorate their home. It showed the others what is going on in their culture before their really was a form of written language. People also say that art cant get you nowhere in life. I think that it has done a lot for me to be able to just let my self create I haven't really been working on anything big because I am still a little scared to. I think that is the hardest part about being an artist is letting your self go so that you can create and not let others judge your work of art.By putting my self out there more maybe I can one day be able to show my work to other people and have it known to the outer world other then my family and friends.

Do you ever wonder if you can put your self out there and learn that not everyone will like your work? If you have I would love to hear about them.

Severe

So a while back about a month or so. I woke up to a really sharp pain right under my rib cage. I wasn't so sure what it was and why I was having these pains. I called my mother knowing that she would know what to do about the pain. Thinking maybe she might know what this pain is and why it’s happening. My mother told me to wake my brother up to take me to the ER because she thought that something with my Gallbladder. It's hard for me to ask for help like that.

By the time we go to the ER I didn't even really feel the pain any more. It wasn't too long after being there that the pain came back. They gave me some drug to help with the pain. At one point they seemed not to make the pain any less then what I was feeling before. When the pain left the last time it finally felt like it was over.

My mother was right it was my Gallbladder that was the problem. It was trying to pass a stone. The doctor said I need to get it removed and also put me on strict low fat diet. I have lost some weight form this diet. Also, it was a good way to just start my weight loss. I have also joined the gym to help with the weight loss.

Now the only think that I seem to be waiting for is the surgery that will take out my Gallbladder. This morning I had a call that woke me up to tell me that they need to change my appointment. I had to wait for me to have health insurance before I did the surgery. So when they called I didn't want to change my appointment I have been waiting a month to get in to this doctor to see about getting this fix and now he wanted to change the appointment. It's hard to have something like that happen. I am just proud that I finally stood up for myself there are just something that I need to stand up to.

It’s so hard for me to be on this diet. I want French fries so bad. I just want to be able to have a day where I can actually eat something. There really isn't much you can it on a low fat diet. Yes, our bodies need fat also. But when your body stops being able to help itself break down those fats it’s not good. With removal of the Gallbladder you can still brake down those fats but in a different way.

I am just scared that I'm not losing the weight the right way and its going to come back. I am tired of being overweight tired of not being seen by people because of my weight. I just want to feel healthy again. I want to be able to run a mile without dieting. I want to wear a sexy dress. There are a lot of people out there that want to feel the same about their weight. I know this because they have shows about teenagers who want to change their life by losing weight before college and keep it off. I want to keep it off for good. I know changing a life style is hard but it’s what I am willing to take.

I Hate VDay

This is probably something you have heard before. But I think my story is different then most. I hate it for every year that I am with a guy who thinks that its not important (Vday). Some times the most a girl can ask for is for a call from their loved one that in a far off land. For days before I thought that Vday would be easy for me to pass me by... But there was one thing that changed everything for me and for that fatal Vday.

It was about four years ago and I was dating this wonderful man or at least at the time I thought he was wonderful. But he just happened to disappeare on me right around new years. He told me that He might have to go over seas but later in the week told me that he wouldn't be going. So I just thought he was avoiding me. But come to find out he had to go over seas. The lie that he told me then was that the he couldn't tell anyone. But from being a military brat all those years I knew that he could at least tell me that he was leaving for a few months. I tried and tried to get a hold of him then one day he sent me an email saying that he went over seas. I think the finial straw with that relationship was when he didn't even call or talk to me for almost two months. It also didn't help that I lived in a school dorm where I happened to come home from class not know that the lobby would be full of all that mushy stuff they sell. It was the most heart breaking day ever. I was in a relationship that I thought was good for me for once. Then I just felt so alone not wanting to feel like that in a relationship on such a day. So I was depressed for weeks after that thinking why didn't he think that a call would be enough to help me over the hump until he got back from being over seas. So I ended the relationship through email because I knew that he wouldn't answer another day. That night I got the phone call that killed that relationship.

From then on I never liked or wanted anything more then for this holiday to go away. I am sorry for all you in a relationship that think that buying things for their loved ones is whats going to make them happy. Your love is all they need. I hope that you spend time with loved ones this Monday. Don't think your the only one out there alone on this day. I am right there with you and Proud.

Contemporary

Happy New Years, Everyone!!!!

This new years has been very different then it has been in the past. I think that there is something different with me. I have been busy with work. I am learning something new that I have never done before and I wonder some times if I am actually good at this new Job. My new job is a call center job. I am having a hard time adapting to the job. I feel like this is one of those jobs that I will have a challenge doing which is good because that means it will never be the same. I love working with people and helping them.

Other then that not much has been happening. I will be getting a car soon I hope. This will help me do things that I need to do and not have to rely on everyone else around me. It's really hard for me to ask people for rides because I want to be self relent. I hope that this will help me hang out with some of my friends more. It's been tough making new friends here in New Mexico. It's always been easy for me to make friends. I think I have yet again met a great change in my life that I don't know how to react to what is going on. A lot of my friends are at different times in their lives, some are married and some have kids. I feel like I am in that in between stage of my life.

Here is to the New Year and a New Life.

Bewilder

Have you ever been shocked by the way people talk to you? Or even to others? Well I got a story for you tonight.

Last night I went to a wonderful play of White Christmas put on Albuquerque Little Theater. It was a very good show and had a very good cast. It wasn't what I expected it to be. I do have to say that it made me want to watch the movie White Christmas. The last time I remember being at the ALT I was a little girl. I still feel the same way that I did back then, like the theater is some magical place. Some place that I would like to go some times when I need to get out of the real world.

There is something I didn't quite expect what I heard from an old man that sat at the end of our row. Of course me being a girl I decided that I need to go to the bathroom before the show started. So I got up and went but on the return trip to my seat I found that their was another couple sitting at the end of the seat. I asked him if I could get passed him to my seat. Do you want to know what he said. He told me "Why don't you go around?" I just looked at him because I didn't know what to say. Then he said again "No I'm serious go around!" I was shock at his attitude.

Through the whole show I thought about what I said thinking that maybe I didn't ask right or something. But I still don't think that what he said was something that should be said to any one. Does anyone in this world still have manners. I am just shocked that an older man was so rude.

I feel like I need to watch what I say more. I don't feel that I said the right thing at the moment. I can't even remember what I said to the man. I just remember the shock on my face. I want to say that my parents did a good job raising me. I want to show the world that I can be respectable.

Squeezed

Have you ever felt like a sardines in a can? I felt that way earlier today, I got on a bus that had people so tight in there that some people wanted to get off quick. Personally I don't like being around a lot of people that I don't know on top of me. But I did have very interesting experience riding on the bus today.

The first ride this old man sat next to me. When the bus got really full I said "Who don't we feel like sardines." The old man let out a little giggle and then said that he will remember that one. I was just glad that I could make his day. It was that one little giggle that made my day way better then it started. Which is another story all together.

The second ride, it took me a while to find a seat because their was so many people on the bus. It didn't take long for me to actually get a seat. There are a lot of guys around here are actually gentlemen on the out side not to sure about the inside. But they were letting the women and children sit in the seat. Then eventually I had some guy sit next to me on the bus. We chatted a little bit. Then he asked me if I had a phone. I felt really bad because I lied to him. Part of me wanted to have nothing to do with him because he looked like a thug. The other part of me was like thanks for noticing me and what a good person I am. It's hard for me to say this but I think I am ok with being single for the first time in my life.

Taking the time to get to know my self is really helping me a lot with my confidence in my self. I feel like I don't need to be someone I am not. I don't want to change to get a guys attention. I just think that people enter our lives because we need them to. God does things that amaze us everyday. Like this cold weather.

So, is their someone that has affected your life in a way that you didn't expect? How did they change your life?

Inquisitive

Is there something in your life that you seem to question? Where you wonder why your did it? Ask your self how do you get out of it? Wished that you would of done something different?

That easy for me to answer right now. I am sorta questioning why I went to college. Thinking about it now it just seems to have done nothing for me. I don't know why I jumped in to something so big with out thinking about how much its going to cost. I love what I went to school for Art and really feel passionate about it. I question everything about it because right now I cant seem to find away to pay for the education I do have.

I keep feeling like I'll never seem to catch up on the bills I have from school. I don't even know if I'll get a job doing art or be able to do anything with it. I really think I should of went to school for something a little more practical like something Technology wise.

I like working with computers. My last job was working with people and helping them use Mac computers. I just loved showing people what is so interesting with computers and so much you can do. I am now thinking that going back to school and getting maybe an associates in IT. I think it would be good and will help me get into a good IT job. Maybe I'll be able to work my way up in the job that I have now.

But everything comes down to the fact that I don't know when I will be able to start to pay back my student loans. I have some of them on deferment but my privet loans are you to date and wanting money. We will see what life deals me and shows me what to do next.

Do you have anything that you would like to change about your life?