So I also wanted to keep everyone updated on the projects that I have been working on. I had to stop doing one because I found out that I am allergic to wool. It is really sad because they come in some of the most beautiful colors. With acrylics there really isn’t much verity in color. It also makes some projects a little cheap looking with some of the acrylic yarns. What I need to do is find a place that sells acrylics in such cool colors. I don’t know if it’s the artist in me or if I just like brighter colors. I like taking risk with color to create the most amazing palate.

So now I am going to find a way to use all this old yarn that I have laying around to make something cool. I just need to find some good Ideas for project. Or maybe it’s just time to start finishing what I have already started. I just sometimes find it hard to finish things but I guess it is time to start somewhere.
On another note I have found that I am really good at doing cable knitting. It is something that looks like it takes a lot of work to understand and do. But in all reality it is not very hard. I am working on my second project and there is a lot more cable in this project then when my first project. I would like to see if I could possibly learn new ways of doing cable. I am always up for learning new things.


So if anyone has any ideas on cable projects let me know. I would really like the challenge.

A deep pit

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a really deep pit that you don’t know how to get yourself out of? Or even between a rock and a hard place? Or even so disappointed in yourself that you don’t know if you could change? I feel so disappointed in myself I really don’t know if I could ever get out of this place. I don’t want to end up so broken that I can’t fix myself. I don’t know if it’s time for me to find someone that could help me deal with all of this pain and heart ache.

JUST what I thought

So the strangest thing has happened to me. I found out that I have a strong allergic reaction to wool. It’s kind of weird for me. It took me several days to realize. But it all started with a sore throat and is now ending with it settling in my chest. I don’t even know if would be able to finish the project that I started because of how much pain it’s casing me. It looks very good and is coming out beautifully but I don’t know if my health is worth it. I thought that maybe if I rushed to get it done and gave it away that it would be a good thing. I also think that I didn’t want that project to be the problem. But know that I know it is, it’s hard to give it up. What would you do?

Unfinished

I tend to have a lot of unfinished projects before I am even close to being done with one. I don't know if it has anything to do with my attention span. I know that sometimes I can be a little unfocused. I think that has a lot to do with my creative side. I am always excited to start something but when it comes to finishing is a little more difficult to do. I also find excitement when something being done. It is the middle part that I have problems with sometimes.


Scarf with NEW yarn.
I know that at some point that I will have to finish something or start something new with that material. Right now I am working on a blanket for my brother, scarf with this new yarn that I am trying, another scarf that is all cable, and then a shrug for a wedding I am going to.

If only I could find away to stay interested in a project. I have gone thru and done some projects all the way thru. I think the small things that I get excited about. Yes, I know that a lot of people go thru this. I know that a lot of famous painters took years to finish paintings but I am not sure if it was the process or if it was that so much was going on.


My brothers Blanket

Do you have any project that you keep working on and putting them down?

Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Why can’t people just say what they mean? Is it really that hard to be honest with another person or even yourself? I believe if we say what we mean then there is no guessing what the other person is feeling, thinking, or even wondering. Are others people options about us really impact how we speak or even if we tell the truth? Do we really not want to hear the truth about ourselves? I know that I have been finding the truth very refreshing. The truth has had me answer questions about myself. These questions that I ask myself have been hard to answer. Even changing how I feel about thing and my relationships with people. What all this comes down to is that I want to hear what people feel for real not this fake feelings that they share with people to make them thing that everything is ok. I think it’s time to start telling the truth.

This has come in to view because of a guy that is trying to come back in my life after standing me up. I don’t know if this changes my feelings about him or how he feels. Or even if I could feel that I could trust him again. Thru all of the communication with this guy has made me wonder why people can’t say what they mean and mean what they say. I have also been talking to someone that has been very open and honest with me from the beginning about what he wants. His honesty keeps me on my toes and makes me feel more comfortable to say things to him.

Jolt

So, there has been a lot on my mind lately. Everything in my life seems to be sorda coming together but there is a lot that I feel is missing. I am not saying that I'm not happy just that there is still things I would like to do. Everything that has been happening has been in the last couple of weeks.

The first thing that I had the first guy hit on me and asked me for my number. It was a big shock to me. So I gave him my number and that night he started txting me. He seemed like an interesting guy. I wasn't to sure about him. I just had this gut feeling that I know what was going to happen with this guy but I really wanted to see where things would go. So he came over one night to watch a movie with me. It was suprizing that he didn't try anything with me. It made me feel confertable with him a little. We sorda fell asleep which was kind of bad because I had to kick him out so that I could get ready for work the next day. That night I didn't sleep that well. But one night when I was at the gym (where I meet the guy) he was talking to me about a business opertonuty. Which just thorw me off. I just didn't know where to go from there. We were talking and then he finially came out and said what he was looking for. He wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship. I am at a point in my life when that type of relationship isn't what I am looking for. I haven't really heard from him sence I told him how I felt about that type of relationship.

The next thing is I am really thinking about becoming a teacher. It's something that I never really though about because I didn't feel like I would be a good teacher. But I have come to realize that I wont know how good of teacher I will be until I try. I just want to be able to share my love of art with another generation. I want them to know how important art is to our culture. I think that there is a lot that needs to be done in this world to show how much art we use everyday.

The last thing that has been on my mind is well my health. I have been working out and eating differently. I also have a surgery that is coming up. I think that their is a reason for everything to be changing in my life. They are going to be talking out my gallbladder. I don't know how this is going to change my mutablizum. I just know that I am losing weight and enjoying the out come of it all. I think I just need something to get me jump started. I would really love to be in the hundrads again. I know that would be a better weight scale to be at. They tell me now that I am obse even thou I have never been there. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep working at it. I will definatly keep you posted on everything that is going on.

Mellow

Have you ever wondered what you would be like when your old and are at the end of your life? I didn't really think about it all that much until I started helping my mother with taking care of my grandmother. It's not something that someone my age would normally think about.

It's been a while since I have seen my grandmother but my mother always keeps me up to date on how she is doing. Well lately my mother has slowly been telling me that everything is getting worse with my grandmother. She has Altimeters and it gets worse every day. The one thing that made it real to me is when my mother told me what she was told by a nurse. The nurse works at my grandmother's nursing home. She told my mother that they found my grandmother picking her own poop out of her butt. It was something that I wasn't ever expecting. I just want life to be easy all the time. Or at least get easier as we get older.

This new scared the crap out of me like no other. I didn't really know what to think about getting older. It's doesn't seem like I'll be the lucky type and miss out on this gene. As it happens my grandfather on my dads side also had this sickness. So it's like a double whammy. I just don't want to be seen like that. I want to be able to know who my grandchildren or children are when I die. I don't want them to have bad memories of me being sick. I just wish that life didn't have to be so hard on us.


What one thing about getting old do you wish never existed? If you could change anything about your family what would it be? And, why?