Bewilder

Have you ever been shocked by the way people talk to you? Or even to others? Well I got a story for you tonight.

Last night I went to a wonderful play of White Christmas put on Albuquerque Little Theater. It was a very good show and had a very good cast. It wasn't what I expected it to be. I do have to say that it made me want to watch the movie White Christmas. The last time I remember being at the ALT I was a little girl. I still feel the same way that I did back then, like the theater is some magical place. Some place that I would like to go some times when I need to get out of the real world.

There is something I didn't quite expect what I heard from an old man that sat at the end of our row. Of course me being a girl I decided that I need to go to the bathroom before the show started. So I got up and went but on the return trip to my seat I found that their was another couple sitting at the end of the seat. I asked him if I could get passed him to my seat. Do you want to know what he said. He told me "Why don't you go around?" I just looked at him because I didn't know what to say. Then he said again "No I'm serious go around!" I was shock at his attitude.

Through the whole show I thought about what I said thinking that maybe I didn't ask right or something. But I still don't think that what he said was something that should be said to any one. Does anyone in this world still have manners. I am just shocked that an older man was so rude.

I feel like I need to watch what I say more. I don't feel that I said the right thing at the moment. I can't even remember what I said to the man. I just remember the shock on my face. I want to say that my parents did a good job raising me. I want to show the world that I can be respectable.

Squeezed

Have you ever felt like a sardines in a can? I felt that way earlier today, I got on a bus that had people so tight in there that some people wanted to get off quick. Personally I don't like being around a lot of people that I don't know on top of me. But I did have very interesting experience riding on the bus today.

The first ride this old man sat next to me. When the bus got really full I said "Who don't we feel like sardines." The old man let out a little giggle and then said that he will remember that one. I was just glad that I could make his day. It was that one little giggle that made my day way better then it started. Which is another story all together.

The second ride, it took me a while to find a seat because their was so many people on the bus. It didn't take long for me to actually get a seat. There are a lot of guys around here are actually gentlemen on the out side not to sure about the inside. But they were letting the women and children sit in the seat. Then eventually I had some guy sit next to me on the bus. We chatted a little bit. Then he asked me if I had a phone. I felt really bad because I lied to him. Part of me wanted to have nothing to do with him because he looked like a thug. The other part of me was like thanks for noticing me and what a good person I am. It's hard for me to say this but I think I am ok with being single for the first time in my life.

Taking the time to get to know my self is really helping me a lot with my confidence in my self. I feel like I don't need to be someone I am not. I don't want to change to get a guys attention. I just think that people enter our lives because we need them to. God does things that amaze us everyday. Like this cold weather.

So, is their someone that has affected your life in a way that you didn't expect? How did they change your life?

Inquisitive

Is there something in your life that you seem to question? Where you wonder why your did it? Ask your self how do you get out of it? Wished that you would of done something different?

That easy for me to answer right now. I am sorta questioning why I went to college. Thinking about it now it just seems to have done nothing for me. I don't know why I jumped in to something so big with out thinking about how much its going to cost. I love what I went to school for Art and really feel passionate about it. I question everything about it because right now I cant seem to find away to pay for the education I do have.

I keep feeling like I'll never seem to catch up on the bills I have from school. I don't even know if I'll get a job doing art or be able to do anything with it. I really think I should of went to school for something a little more practical like something Technology wise.

I like working with computers. My last job was working with people and helping them use Mac computers. I just loved showing people what is so interesting with computers and so much you can do. I am now thinking that going back to school and getting maybe an associates in IT. I think it would be good and will help me get into a good IT job. Maybe I'll be able to work my way up in the job that I have now.

But everything comes down to the fact that I don't know when I will be able to start to pay back my student loans. I have some of them on deferment but my privet loans are you to date and wanting money. We will see what life deals me and shows me what to do next.

Do you have anything that you would like to change about your life?

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

So I had a really great day. It was different then I was use too. I spent the time with my best friends family, who seem to have adopted me as another kid. I don't mind so much because I enjoy hanging out with them. I don't have much family around. So, its nice to have a little of un-tradional family. I tried to help cook and did a little cleaning. We watched football and built puzzles. It's always nice to take it easy. I enjoy spending time with my family.

How did you spend thanks giving?

Flabbergasted..

So a lot of great things are happening. First off I got a job FINALLY.. It's the greatest thing for me right now. Its in a call center. Yeah I know not the greatest of jobs but its a job that pays well and will help me pay down my college loans... I just now have to find a way to get two and from work. I really want to work things out so I can keep this job. I know that its going to be difficult to get to and from work.

So with this job I had to take a drug test. It was a long way from where I am at. So, I took like 4 buses to get to where I was going. That was all going good but on the way back I ran in to some interesting people.

The first one was a lady who had just gotten out of the hospital. She then told me and another lady how a bug got into her ear. That is the most crazy thing that I have ever heard of but I can believe it. It sounded kind of gross. It took her so long to go to the doctor, she waited until the next day. I would have been to the doctor right away because it would just creep me out. Then we got on the bus and went to the next stop that we had to transfer (me and the bug lady).

Then I as I walked to the next bus, there was a guy in a big green jacket and camo pants. Then I noticed that their was a stream coming out of his pants. Mind you this was in the middle of the day. I was like "WOW, what is the world coming to?" It was just so gross. The sad part was that there was a McD's right behind the bus stop. The man then walked to it. I understand that guys like to pee out side but in public. I really think this man was drunk. When he got on the bus I was just hoping that he wouldn't sit by me. He didn't thank you fate. But the guy that he sat next to got up right away and moved to the back of the bus. I wonder how many peoples lives he affects. Or wonder if he had something wrong with him that he couldn't or didn't have the time to deal with. I wondered if he had a family that loved him or a place to go. All these questions come to mind when I see people like this.

This whole day has showed me that God does different things in peoples lives it makes them or breaks them with the way they deal with their problems. I want to be someone who can make it through the problems and become strong from it.

Do you have any problems that you think changed who you are and/or the way you think?

Popular Culture

This topic to day came up with a guy that I was talking about pop culture on a Dating site that I'm on. He said that he didn't have anything to do with pop culture. He then told me that media is communication. I really don't think that he knew anything about popular culture, media, or communication all together. So it got me to thinking that not everyone knows what popular culture is. So, I wanted to research it and post what I found out about it.

Fist off lets start by talking about the definition of Popular culture. I took it from one of my favorite sites Dictionary.com and this is what it said:

Popular Culture: contemporary lifestyle and items that are well known and generally accepted, cultural patterns that are widespread within a population; also called pop culture.

With that being said I think almost everything that we do in today's life can be considered popular culture. Things like on-line dating is something can be considered pop culture because it is widely accepted by the population.

So, this guy didn't really think about what he said. I understand that sometimes we don't know what we are saying. I think that taking the time to research what your talking about before you can say it will save you a lot of pain in the end.

Popular Culture originated with some different meaning then It did today. Here is the information I found on Wikipedia

The term "popular culture" itself is of 19th century coinage, in original usage referring to the education and "culturedness" of the lower classes, as was delivered in an address at the Birmingham Town Hall, England.[11] The term began to assume the meaning of a culture of the lower classes separate from and opposed to "true education" towards the end of the century,[12] a usage that became established by the interbellum period.[13] The current meaning of the term, culture for mass consumption, especially originating in the United States, is established by the end of World War II.[14] The abbreviated form "pop culture" dates to the 1960s.[15]

To know the background of some words might help us to understand what it really means. There is just so much to a word that we just don't know about anymore. Its something that we need to learn somewhere in life.

I think that we as a society are losing the knowledge that we use to have. I don't know if its because there is so much more to know or if we are just becoming more and more lazy. I think that we stopped caring about education and started caring about other things in life.

I am glad that I talked to this guy about this. I have learned a lot about pop culture and have grown for this experience.

What do you think in your life is pop culture? Do you like it or hate pop culture?

Wonderful

So the other night I was laying in bed and had a light bulb come on in my head. I think that my passion has been stolen from me. All I need to do is figure out how to get it back even if it takes me a long time to get there I one day would like to be there. When my dreams and passions where stolen from me I also lost a lot of respect for the men in my life.

The guy I was dating at the time verbally abused me and made me think that I was good for nothing. I did a lot of cutting at the time that I have told no one about. I was scared that people would think different of me and I still do. One night I took a steak knife to my wrist I didn't get very far because my crazy ex boy jumped on me until I put the knife down. It was mostly because of him I wanted to show him how he was making me feel. Like that changed anything.

Some days I wish that things could of been different and that I wasn't scared of him. I think I let him over power my life. I feel like I need to take control back of my life. I think that is a little easier said then done. I am going to try and change my life for the better and leave the bad new in the past. I want to grow form the experience and change the future.


The other day I was wondering around Walmart waiting for the Avon lady to show up for our meeting. It was very disappointing because I took the effort to go out of my to meet this lady and then she never showed up. I think an email would of been a great way to tell me that your not coming. It is like a pet peeve for me that people don't show up on time. My step mother was always late and that changed things for me. My dad always told me the early bird gets the worm. I should actually take his advice to heart when looking for a job.

Its been really hard to get motivated to do anything. There has been so much going on in my life its so hard to know where to start. I know that's not a good accuses but it has been the problem of my depression. I hope this will change soon because I have finally got some insurance to go see the doctor about my female problems. But I think taking the Pill will help out everything.



But anyways I found this t-shirt that I really liked and it really applys to my situation right now. It's just to funny.


In your life did you ever feel like you lost something that you could find a way back to? If so what was it and how did you lose it?

Life

Today, I received a little reminder that life is short. Sometimes I wish that I could find what I am really good at. I do so many different things its hard to decide what I am truly in love with. I enjoy writing, painting, ceramics, architecture, art history, interior design, furniture design, and pretty much anything creative. I know that creativity is always there I just need to know where I can actually use my creative skills.

I wonder if there is any one out there that has been where I am right now. Someone to tell me what to do how to approach this big elephant in my life. I don't know if everyone goes through this but I know that I am having a HARD time coping with all of this.

This reminder is something that I am going to have to deal with one day. This reminder is Death. He has every ones calling card its just knowing that what you did with your life is worth it. I have had a major death happen in my life when I was young and it changed everything in my life back then. I want changes to happen in my life now to show me the way life should be going. I feel that there is a lot of things that I have yet to experience.

One day everything is going to come to me and it will be the greatest day. I know that God will guide me to where I need to go with my life. God has become an important part of my life. I am new to Christianity but I feel that I know a lot about God but I feel my Faith is weak. I want to grow in Christ. May Christ be with you...

Going For a Walk

Today I decided to go for a walk today. I have been meaning to do it more often just for the work out. Today seemed like the perfect day for that. It was really nice out side the sun was shining and everything. I walked through the neighborhood looking around and just taking in everything around me.



I saw why my grandfather walked those streets every day. It was amazing how beautiful the world seems with all the destruction of the world. The I ended up at the park that my grandfather always ended up at. Looks like they did a lot of work on the park since the last time I was there.

They made it where you can walk all the way down the hill to another park area at the bottom.. You could walk down one side and up the other. It was beautiful. You can see the whole city form that park. I was so inspired to go back again tomorrow. Maybe I'll see something new. The world is full of surprises.



This walking will help me physically and emotionally. The beauty is just so amazing.. I think I will bring my bible and my sketch book to more and maybe create some beautiful art work.

I am going to attach some pictures to show you the things that I discovered today.

Sorry lifes been a little crazy...

So, life has been quite as it should be. I think I have failed the whole take a picture a day thing. I still take photos often just not enough. I really am in this gutter trying to find my way out. The things that I have done in the last 11 months..

Graduated college in July
Bought a lemon for a car
Jobless once again
Moved to New Mexico
living with brother

Right now in life I am just trying to figure out how to get a job. Right now the Job market sucks because everyone is like trying to get a job at the same time as me. There was a lot of hope in the beginning but now I am really losing hope. But I know that I have to take it one day at a time before things can get any better. I have been watching a lot of TV and Im not enjoying it like I use to.

I really want to change how I think about my self and what is going on in my life. Its like I dont know what to do with my life any more. I didn't really plan for anything after I was done with college I dont dont know if anyone else has had this prblem. Some times I wish I knew someone that had gone throught this whole jobless after college thing.

Some time I question if college was even worth it. Its a whole lot of deit and it seems that I am not going to get any better pay then I did before I graduated college. I find my self living under a rock for a while would be a better way of say what college did for me. I dont think it really perpared me for the world after college. I miss the structure and what was going to happen next in my life. I also ask the question if I should just go back to school and get a degree in something else. Its like one of those day that never seems to end for me.

I think and I think about everything that is happening in my life and what isnt happening. Like I would really love to either have a big group of friends or a boyfriend to talk to sometimes. Which brings me to another problem that has been happening in my life.

Why do I always seem to fall for someone that cant be with me or just doesnt have the desire to be with me. Its like tells of tells. I just dont want to end up being alone for the rest of my life and not sharing my life with the people around me. I ask God a lot to show me what I need to be doing in my life... But he has said nothing yet to me. Like I need to do something first before I become what I need to be come. I know what he will show me the way.

Up Date On Project 365

Well, I have to be honest with you I haven't been taking pictures everyday. I am still going to keep trying this Project I want to show you some of the things that I have been taking pictures of. I guess i can start from where I left off. The first one after the last time I posted was of my moms cat who finially warmed up to me again. took me being there for almost two weeks but what can I say.

I traveled a lot on in the last couple of weeks. First I made my way from my mother's house to a museum where I saw a show on Ansel Adams. After seeing the show I got to see my very first Super Target. It was so cool never thought I would ever see one. Then I turned around and drove to New Mexico so that I could catch my way back to Arkansas, where I go to school. Adams was just an amazing show.

There is so much I don't know about photography. Adams showed so many different types of ideas behind photography it was like I was discovering it for the first time. It also inspired me to become a photographer with the focus of developing my own works. I think that alone is an art form. I would like to show that its something that will never be lost if we don't let it become extinct.

If you don't know anything about Ansel Adams I could describe him in words but I don't think that would be enough. I could say this Adams has a thing for showing textures that happen in the world. It was like actually seeing things through his eyes. There were things that I also discovered about him is that he also took pictures of flowers, and people. It was so shocking to see. I always saw Adams as a landscape photographer.


But over the last week I have been trying to get in to my old grove. It's really hard for me because I am taking more hours then I have ever done before. But While doing that I took over 240 Pictures in two days. But none where that great but I do have some that are quite interesting but I am only going to post two of them.

Sorry readers its been a while but its been very busy. I hope your new year is going well.

New Meaning to Dear in Head Lights

Well today photo is a moment I don't think I'll ever forget. I took this picture with the flash which is different from me. I normally try and take it with out the flash. So, that you can see the natural colors of things.

I don't have a famous photographer for today. But I do know that there are several of us out there who are trying to become one of those famous photographers. So keep up the good work our time will come.

Project 365

Happy New Year everyone. There are a few things that I have decided to take on one of them is: Project 365 is about taking photograph everyday to see where the year takes you. I think that this would be something good for me too. But I think I want to step it up by also introducing a New Photographer from The Photo Book. Which will help me discover new and creative ideas about photography.

I think I would like to show the last semester of college and then the start of my life after college. I don't know how its going to turn out but I do know one thing. well today is the day.. well here is my first photograph.


This is a photo of my moms living room looking out side. I just love how the lace is and how you can see the sun through it... and the darkness of how the room looks. I just love sharp contrast and how they make things look. Playing with light is one of the key elements in art.

I think the first photographer that I would like to talk about is Horst P. Horst. I think he uses light to develop strong contrast from. the photo I am going to show you is called Mainbocher's Pink Satin Corset and was taken in 1939 using Gelatin silver print. Gelatin silver is a process that was use to develop black and white photography using silver salts in gelatin. More can be read about this process at Wikipedia.

Horst seems to have been talented in using the light around him to create such great photography. He had a good span of sixty years where he became famous for his art. He mostly did fashion photography for places such as French Vogue. He didn't start our as a photographer he ended up going to war before he discovered his passion. He has amazing web sit that shows off a lot of his work and tells you a little more about his work. www.horstphorst.com

I think the Horst is one of my favorite photographers. I really enjoy the process of creating photography in a dark room being able to edit them and make them as big as I can. The whole presses seems to drive my creativity. It took me a long time to realize that, that is the way I want to go with my art. Learning everything I can about art can only help me to develop my eye for a good layout.