So, there has been a lot on my mind lately. Everything in my life seems to be sorda coming together but there is a lot that I feel is missing. I am not saying that I'm not happy just that there is still things I would like to do. Everything that has been happening has been in the last couple of weeks.
The first thing that I had the first guy hit on me and asked me for my number. It was a big shock to me. So I gave him my number and that night he started txting me. He seemed like an interesting guy. I wasn't to sure about him. I just had this gut feeling that I know what was going to happen with this guy but I really wanted to see where things would go. So he came over one night to watch a movie with me. It was suprizing that he didn't try anything with me. It made me feel confertable with him a little. We sorda fell asleep which was kind of bad because I had to kick him out so that I could get ready for work the next day. That night I didn't sleep that well. But one night when I was at the gym (where I meet the guy) he was talking to me about a business opertonuty. Which just thorw me off. I just didn't know where to go from there. We were talking and then he finially came out and said what he was looking for. He wanted to have a friends with benefits relationship. I am at a point in my life when that type of relationship isn't what I am looking for. I haven't really heard from him sence I told him how I felt about that type of relationship.
The next thing is I am really thinking about becoming a teacher. It's something that I never really though about because I didn't feel like I would be a good teacher. But I have come to realize that I wont know how good of teacher I will be until I try. I just want to be able to share my love of art with another generation. I want them to know how important art is to our culture. I think that there is a lot that needs to be done in this world to show how much art we use everyday.
The last thing that has been on my mind is well my health. I have been working out and eating differently. I also have a surgery that is coming up. I think that their is a reason for everything to be changing in my life. They are going to be talking out my gallbladder. I don't know how this is going to change my mutablizum. I just know that I am losing weight and enjoying the out come of it all. I think I just need something to get me jump started. I would really love to be in the hundrads again. I know that would be a better weight scale to be at. They tell me now that I am obse even thou I have never been there. I guess the only thing I can do is to keep working at it. I will definatly keep you posted on everything that is going on.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Mellow
Have you ever wondered what you would be like when your old and are at the end of your life? I didn't really think about it all that much until I started helping my mother with taking care of my grandmother. It's not something that someone my age would normally think about.
It's been a while since I have seen my grandmother but my mother always keeps me up to date on how she is doing. Well lately my mother has slowly been telling me that everything is getting worse with my grandmother. She has Altimeters and it gets worse every day. The one thing that made it real to me is when my mother told me what she was told by a nurse. The nurse works at my grandmother's nursing home. She told my mother that they found my grandmother picking her own poop out of her butt. It was something that I wasn't ever expecting. I just want life to be easy all the time. Or at least get easier as we get older.
This new scared the crap out of me like no other. I didn't really know what to think about getting older. It's doesn't seem like I'll be the lucky type and miss out on this gene. As it happens my grandfather on my dads side also had this sickness. So it's like a double whammy. I just don't want to be seen like that. I want to be able to know who my grandchildren or children are when I die. I don't want them to have bad memories of me being sick. I just wish that life didn't have to be so hard on us.
What one thing about getting old do you wish never existed? If you could change anything about your family what would it be? And, why?
It's been a while since I have seen my grandmother but my mother always keeps me up to date on how she is doing. Well lately my mother has slowly been telling me that everything is getting worse with my grandmother. She has Altimeters and it gets worse every day. The one thing that made it real to me is when my mother told me what she was told by a nurse. The nurse works at my grandmother's nursing home. She told my mother that they found my grandmother picking her own poop out of her butt. It was something that I wasn't ever expecting. I just want life to be easy all the time. Or at least get easier as we get older.
This new scared the crap out of me like no other. I didn't really know what to think about getting older. It's doesn't seem like I'll be the lucky type and miss out on this gene. As it happens my grandfather on my dads side also had this sickness. So it's like a double whammy. I just don't want to be seen like that. I want to be able to know who my grandchildren or children are when I die. I don't want them to have bad memories of me being sick. I just wish that life didn't have to be so hard on us.
What one thing about getting old do you wish never existed? If you could change anything about your family what would it be? And, why?
Friday, April 1, 2011
Awakening
With everything that has been going on in my life I just realized how much better it is to be working out again. I really have missed being able to be active. I use to do a lot of out door activities and played sports. I would really Love to get in to something like roller berby. I want to feel strong and powerful. I am working out and losing the weight for me. I want to be healthy. I want to be something that my father could be proud of.
I am looking in to schools also so that I can get my teaching certification so that I can teach art. I have come to realize that I am good at helping people learn and know new things. At work it seems like everyone ask me how to do things. I don't know if its because I know the information or that I am really good at what I do. I thought if I started teaching it would at least get me started in the right direction to owning my own business where I would be teaching art. I just want to share the wonder of art with other people. Maybe help other people see the importance of art.
Art is in every culture and shows how people have developed over the years starting with cave men painting what they where hunting not only to teach but to decorate their home. It showed the others what is going on in their culture before their really was a form of written language. People also say that art cant get you nowhere in life. I think that it has done a lot for me to be able to just let my self create I haven't really been working on anything big because I am still a little scared to. I think that is the hardest part about being an artist is letting your self go so that you can create and not let others judge your work of art.By putting my self out there more maybe I can one day be able to show my work to other people and have it known to the outer world other then my family and friends.
Do you ever wonder if you can put your self out there and learn that not everyone will like your work? If you have I would love to hear about them.
I am looking in to schools also so that I can get my teaching certification so that I can teach art. I have come to realize that I am good at helping people learn and know new things. At work it seems like everyone ask me how to do things. I don't know if its because I know the information or that I am really good at what I do. I thought if I started teaching it would at least get me started in the right direction to owning my own business where I would be teaching art. I just want to share the wonder of art with other people. Maybe help other people see the importance of art.
Art is in every culture and shows how people have developed over the years starting with cave men painting what they where hunting not only to teach but to decorate their home. It showed the others what is going on in their culture before their really was a form of written language. People also say that art cant get you nowhere in life. I think that it has done a lot for me to be able to just let my self create I haven't really been working on anything big because I am still a little scared to. I think that is the hardest part about being an artist is letting your self go so that you can create and not let others judge your work of art.By putting my self out there more maybe I can one day be able to show my work to other people and have it known to the outer world other then my family and friends.
Do you ever wonder if you can put your self out there and learn that not everyone will like your work? If you have I would love to hear about them.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Severe
So a while back about a month or so. I woke up to a really sharp pain right under my rib cage. I wasn't so sure what it was and why I was having these pains. I called my mother knowing that she would know what to do about the pain. Thinking maybe she might know what this pain is and why it’s happening. My mother told me to wake my brother up to take me to the ER because she thought that something with my Gallbladder. It's hard for me to ask for help like that.
By the time we go to the ER I didn't even really feel the pain any more. It wasn't too long after being there that the pain came back. They gave me some drug to help with the pain. At one point they seemed not to make the pain any less then what I was feeling before. When the pain left the last time it finally felt like it was over.
My mother was right it was my Gallbladder that was the problem. It was trying to pass a stone. The doctor said I need to get it removed and also put me on strict low fat diet. I have lost some weight form this diet. Also, it was a good way to just start my weight loss. I have also joined the gym to help with the weight loss.
Now the only think that I seem to be waiting for is the surgery that will take out my Gallbladder. This morning I had a call that woke me up to tell me that they need to change my appointment. I had to wait for me to have health insurance before I did the surgery. So when they called I didn't want to change my appointment I have been waiting a month to get in to this doctor to see about getting this fix and now he wanted to change the appointment. It's hard to have something like that happen. I am just proud that I finally stood up for myself there are just something that I need to stand up to.
It’s so hard for me to be on this diet. I want French fries so bad. I just want to be able to have a day where I can actually eat something. There really isn't much you can it on a low fat diet. Yes, our bodies need fat also. But when your body stops being able to help itself break down those fats it’s not good. With removal of the Gallbladder you can still brake down those fats but in a different way.
I am just scared that I'm not losing the weight the right way and its going to come back. I am tired of being overweight tired of not being seen by people because of my weight. I just want to feel healthy again. I want to be able to run a mile without dieting. I want to wear a sexy dress. There are a lot of people out there that want to feel the same about their weight. I know this because they have shows about teenagers who want to change their life by losing weight before college and keep it off. I want to keep it off for good. I know changing a life style is hard but it’s what I am willing to take.
By the time we go to the ER I didn't even really feel the pain any more. It wasn't too long after being there that the pain came back. They gave me some drug to help with the pain. At one point they seemed not to make the pain any less then what I was feeling before. When the pain left the last time it finally felt like it was over.
My mother was right it was my Gallbladder that was the problem. It was trying to pass a stone. The doctor said I need to get it removed and also put me on strict low fat diet. I have lost some weight form this diet. Also, it was a good way to just start my weight loss. I have also joined the gym to help with the weight loss.
Now the only think that I seem to be waiting for is the surgery that will take out my Gallbladder. This morning I had a call that woke me up to tell me that they need to change my appointment. I had to wait for me to have health insurance before I did the surgery. So when they called I didn't want to change my appointment I have been waiting a month to get in to this doctor to see about getting this fix and now he wanted to change the appointment. It's hard to have something like that happen. I am just proud that I finally stood up for myself there are just something that I need to stand up to.
It’s so hard for me to be on this diet. I want French fries so bad. I just want to be able to have a day where I can actually eat something. There really isn't much you can it on a low fat diet. Yes, our bodies need fat also. But when your body stops being able to help itself break down those fats it’s not good. With removal of the Gallbladder you can still brake down those fats but in a different way.
I am just scared that I'm not losing the weight the right way and its going to come back. I am tired of being overweight tired of not being seen by people because of my weight. I just want to feel healthy again. I want to be able to run a mile without dieting. I want to wear a sexy dress. There are a lot of people out there that want to feel the same about their weight. I know this because they have shows about teenagers who want to change their life by losing weight before college and keep it off. I want to keep it off for good. I know changing a life style is hard but it’s what I am willing to take.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I Hate VDay
This is probably something you have heard before. But I think my story is different then most. I hate it for every year that I am with a guy who thinks that its not important (Vday). Some times the most a girl can ask for is for a call from their loved one that in a far off land. For days before I thought that Vday would be easy for me to pass me by... But there was one thing that changed everything for me and for that fatal Vday.
It was about four years ago and I was dating this wonderful man or at least at the time I thought he was wonderful. But he just happened to disappeare on me right around new years. He told me that He might have to go over seas but later in the week told me that he wouldn't be going. So I just thought he was avoiding me. But come to find out he had to go over seas. The lie that he told me then was that the he couldn't tell anyone. But from being a military brat all those years I knew that he could at least tell me that he was leaving for a few months. I tried and tried to get a hold of him then one day he sent me an email saying that he went over seas. I think the finial straw with that relationship was when he didn't even call or talk to me for almost two months. It also didn't help that I lived in a school dorm where I happened to come home from class not know that the lobby would be full of all that mushy stuff they sell. It was the most heart breaking day ever. I was in a relationship that I thought was good for me for once. Then I just felt so alone not wanting to feel like that in a relationship on such a day. So I was depressed for weeks after that thinking why didn't he think that a call would be enough to help me over the hump until he got back from being over seas. So I ended the relationship through email because I knew that he wouldn't answer another day. That night I got the phone call that killed that relationship.
From then on I never liked or wanted anything more then for this holiday to go away. I am sorry for all you in a relationship that think that buying things for their loved ones is whats going to make them happy. Your love is all they need. I hope that you spend time with loved ones this Monday. Don't think your the only one out there alone on this day. I am right there with you and Proud.
It was about four years ago and I was dating this wonderful man or at least at the time I thought he was wonderful. But he just happened to disappeare on me right around new years. He told me that He might have to go over seas but later in the week told me that he wouldn't be going. So I just thought he was avoiding me. But come to find out he had to go over seas. The lie that he told me then was that the he couldn't tell anyone. But from being a military brat all those years I knew that he could at least tell me that he was leaving for a few months. I tried and tried to get a hold of him then one day he sent me an email saying that he went over seas. I think the finial straw with that relationship was when he didn't even call or talk to me for almost two months. It also didn't help that I lived in a school dorm where I happened to come home from class not know that the lobby would be full of all that mushy stuff they sell. It was the most heart breaking day ever. I was in a relationship that I thought was good for me for once. Then I just felt so alone not wanting to feel like that in a relationship on such a day. So I was depressed for weeks after that thinking why didn't he think that a call would be enough to help me over the hump until he got back from being over seas. So I ended the relationship through email because I knew that he wouldn't answer another day. That night I got the phone call that killed that relationship.
From then on I never liked or wanted anything more then for this holiday to go away. I am sorry for all you in a relationship that think that buying things for their loved ones is whats going to make them happy. Your love is all they need. I hope that you spend time with loved ones this Monday. Don't think your the only one out there alone on this day. I am right there with you and Proud.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Contemporary
Happy New Years, Everyone!!!!
This new years has been very different then it has been in the past. I think that there is something different with me. I have been busy with work. I am learning something new that I have never done before and I wonder some times if I am actually good at this new Job. My new job is a call center job. I am having a hard time adapting to the job. I feel like this is one of those jobs that I will have a challenge doing which is good because that means it will never be the same. I love working with people and helping them.
Other then that not much has been happening. I will be getting a car soon I hope. This will help me do things that I need to do and not have to rely on everyone else around me. It's really hard for me to ask people for rides because I want to be self relent. I hope that this will help me hang out with some of my friends more. It's been tough making new friends here in New Mexico. It's always been easy for me to make friends. I think I have yet again met a great change in my life that I don't know how to react to what is going on. A lot of my friends are at different times in their lives, some are married and some have kids. I feel like I am in that in between stage of my life.
Here is to the New Year and a New Life.
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